MasterChef Open Casting Call

Flashback to Jan 20. I'm busy compiling a list of culinary contests in which to enter my BBQ Sauce when I ran across a posting for an open casting call for Gordon Ramsay's MasterChef, set to debut on Fox later this year. Gastro Hounds had to make an appearance. The format was this: contestants would have five minutes to plate a dish, and were to be graded by a culinary judge and casting director. In a addition, a lenthy application and photo of the finished dish were required upon arrival at the event. The competition was set for Jan 24th, so I had very little time to prepare. To make matters worse, my vehicle was suffering from an as yet undiagnosed problem. I would therefor need to make a 2 1/2 hour bus ride in order to participate. After a lengthy search, I settled on a soup and salad theme: gazpacho paired with a salpicon of braised beef, potato, onion and chipotle combined with sherry vinegar and olive oil served on Belgian Endive. Both dishes would be dressed with a lime/cilantro vinegretta. These dishes are intended to served slightly chilled which alleviated the problem of keeping something warm over an extended period of time. Working on 3 hours sleep, I set out at 5 a.m. on the 24th in order to reach my destination in plenty of time, hopefully towards the front of what I expected to be a long line.

The weather was angry that morning, like an old man returning his fetid clam chowder at the Early Bird Special. I quickly secured some coffee at Celtic Coffee Company and hoofed it to Sur La Table on Maiden Lane which was hosting the event. I made it in good time, eventually securing spot #44. Not bad. The line grew quickly, and the weather continued to deteriorate. To make matters worse, no bathrooms were available. The rain, wind and caffeine soon made for an uncomfortably full bladder, the assembled crowd began to get unruly. By the time groups of 12 were being ushered in to start the call, many of us didn't care. We just wanted to finish the ordeal and find the nearest facilities. The first groups were already filing out, the look of defeat etched on their faces. My group was finally let in and ushered downstairs to the test kitchens. 4 tables, set up to accomodate 3 contestants each, were directly in front of us. We received instructions that when our number was called, we should proceed to the nearest open space at one of the tables and our 5 minutes would commence immediately. I noticed that culinary judges were grilling contestants as they were trying to plate. A brutal, Iron Chef type environment. My number was called and quickly made my way to my spot on set about plating my dish. I started with the gazpacho as it was the most time consuming given the garnishing and visual presentation. A culinary judge was right there and began my interrogation. The questions involved choices of recipes, inspiration as well as actual culinary knowledge. My judge hammered me on what actually constituted a salpicon and why I had chosen that as a component. I acquitted myself well while finishing plating my gazpacho. I was ahead of schedule as the culinary judged moved off to other victims. I was coasting at this point as I started to plate the salpicon. I pulled out the head of endive and choked. The endive had been kept too cold and had turned translucent. It was unusable. My plating ruined, what little chance I had of actually advancing was shattered. I plated the salpicon directly onto the serving dish - pathetic. The casting director came over and began my second interview. I was phoning it in at this point, only wanting to pack up and make a quick escape to the nearest bathroom which is exactly what I did.

I replenished my energies with the help of a delicious dirty water hotdog from one of the many hotdog carts that dot Union Square, but was still feeling down. I made my way to Westfield Mall food court to purchase a comfort puff at Beard Papa's. If you've never had a cream puff from Beard Papa's you're missing out. These things are massive, and the filling literally explodes on your first bite. With my comfort puff securely stored in my backpack, and the dirty water dog still providing sufficient energy, I made my way back to the bus stop, nearing the coffee house where I had stopped upon exiting the bus that morning. There was a commotion out front and upon getting closer noticed that a clown was angrily accosting someone in a parked car. This was one PO'd clown, the screaming growing louder as I approached. Suddenly, the clown lunged for the car and slipped on something, landing with an audible thud...then "cut!". The crowd that had gathered to watch the altercation was actually a film crew. The director was not pleased with the proceedings, and wanted a reshoot. Shady prop guys began reshaping something on the sidewalk - a prop dog poop which is what the clown had slipped on. Great, an angry clown slipping on dog crap. It was the perfect punctuation to the end of my day. Bizarre, but all true.

I'll post the pics from my cell phone once I extract them. Also, for more info on Beard Papa's monster comfort puffs, I've posted a link on the side bar.

Laissez les Bon Temps Rouler!

Happy Mardi Gras y'all. What's cookin' in the GastroHounds household for tonight? Jambalaya and Bananas Foster. Gotta have that desert. So dang good and so easy. Heck, I make that when I'm camping.

Recap: What did I make for Valentine's Day? Something I call Pork Tenderloin Von Blucher. A free jar of Char-B-Q Sauce to the first person to correctly divine the inspiration to the name of the dish: basically a pork tenderloin wrapped inside puff pastry with carmelized onions and apples, served with a sherry-cream sauce. Yes, it was scarf-o-licious. Recipe to anyone who asks.

What's next? I'll be posting on my participation in the open casting call competition for Gordon Ramsey's Chef Master's set to debut later this year on Fox. Why do you care? I'll throw this out there:

Butthead Mushroom Guy
Exploding bladders
Wilted greenery
Protein tube
Comfort puff
Angry clown
Dog turd.

...all played a vital role during my day. Come for the comedy, stay for the the discomfort.

Ape Island Quesadilla!

We have a great local Farmer's Market, and I try to make it there each Saturday morning as there always seems to be something new. The last couple of weeks were no exception with the arrival of Vini aka "Vini Volcano" - the hot sauce guy. I'm always up for adding a new hotsauce to my collection so I had to check it out. He had 2 sauces available: Volcano Sauce and Fire Monkey. Over conversation, I learned that another sauce of his: Voodoo Sauce, was recently voted best overall in a Food Network competition. So why no Voodoo? Vini related that as he makes his sauce in small batches of 6 bottles, it's very hard to keep up with demand. Well, someday I hope to share in his misery.

Unfortunately, Vini wasn't sampling that day. I would have to take my purchases home and begin my explorations there. The Volcano Sauce appears to be the base recipe and Vini keeps it simple: Serrano peppers, cask vinegar, a unique local garlic variety called "Purple Haze" (never heard of it) and the usual assorted spices. I love Serrano peppers for their elevated heat level and flavor. Given the simple list of ingredients, Volcano delivers exactly what you'd expect - Serrano heat/flavor, a hint of garlic and good acidity. An approachable, well balanced sauce. Then there's Fire Monkey, which Vini explains came about when he ran out of ingredients for a batch of sauce and grabbed some banana. Good thing, for this was the most interesting of the two. It also uses Serrano peppers but is milder in heat than the Volcano Sauce, but it's the layers of flavor that result from the banana that make this sauce unique. The banana is up front, but the sauce finishes with good acidity. However, the banana does present something of a challenge when coming up with a recipe to pair this sauce with but something came to mind almost immediately: the Ape Island Quesadilla!

While attending last year's over the top Bacchanalia of Passport Weekend in Dry Creek Valley, our party ran across a killer snack - a quesadilla with crushed pineapple and carmelized onions. We couldn't get enough. This recipe is my take on that same dish.

Ingredients:
4 tbsp olive oil
2 medium to large yellow onions
2 8oz can of crushed pineapple
1 lb pepperjack Cheese, grated
6 tbsp Fire Monkey hotsauce
Flour tortillas

Preparation:
Cut the onion into sections about 1/4 inch thick - separate individual rings. Carmelize onion in the olive oil in pan set to low/med heat until golden brown and very soft - about 1 hour
Combine the crushed pineapple and Fire Monkey sauce
To assemble:
On one tortilla, spread 1/4 of the pineapple/Fire Monkey sauce mixture evenly
Layer on 1/4 of carmelized onions and 1/4 of grated pepperjack cheese
Top with 2nd flour tortilla
Grill on lightly oiled skillet set to medium heat for about 1 minute on each side or until the tortillas have browned slightly and the cheese is melted.
Cut into 6 slices and consume in mass quantities.
Makes 4 quesadillas.

You can check out Vini's full line of sauces at http://www.piratesauce.com

Anthony Bourdain Comes to Town

Bourdain's No Reservations speaking tour came to our humble burg of Santa Rosa. No way was I going to miss this. The day before the show I caught an interview he gave to our local paper. I new the subject of our local Bette Noir of the foody world, Guy Fieri, would come up and I was curious as to what his reponse would be. Anthony admitted to a "grudging respect" for a family man working hard, doing what he wants to do (paraphrasing). It was possible Tony was softening around the edges - family man that he is now.

Soft, no. Bipolar perhaps but not soft. About 3 minutes into his presentation, it was clear that he still has his demons and the current source for his tortures is Sandra Lee - The Queen of Kitsch, Miss Smarm 2009. I find her unwatchable, though I have on occasion. I know others enjoy her show. Anthony was incapable of saying her name without attaching a few M-F bombs. His disgust was palpable: clenched teeth, the veins in his neck bulging, he was becoming Mr. Furious right there on stage. And in case any of us in attendance were in doubt regarding Sandra being the nexus of all things evil, Anthony dared us to google Kwanzaa Cake when we got home that evening. To save you the trouble, I've embedded the video for your viewing pleasure/horror.



For those who follow No Reservations routinely, Anthony's presentation delivered what one would expect. He's angry at the things he dislikes and passionate about the things he does. Vegans are still an object of derision and I don't see him backing off his recent comparison of Alice Waters to "Pol Pot in a muumuu". He's convinced Americans are eating better, that is to say enjoying the things that are truly good. He still sees the need for Americans to travel better. He described his horror at seeing a Mom accompanying her daughter into the Blue Mosque in Instanbul, during Ramadan, with the daughter looking like she had just come back from turning tricks. Perhaps that's why Anthony came to Santa Rosa. He didn't just want to play to the choir, he was hoping to impart some sorely needed wisdom upon the 1,600 folks in attendance. Following his presentation, Anthony devoted about an hour to a Q & A session which in no way felt obligatory, but there were just enough questions that made me groan. Anthony's work is not quite done.

Gastro Hounds Update

It's been quiet here at the site, but things have been boiling below the surface. I've been busy building material for future posts. Lots of good stuff to come. Case in point - tomorrow night I'm attending Anthony Bourdain's 'No Reservations' speaking tour engagement tomorrow night which is being held right here in Santa Rosa, CA at the Wells Fargo/Ruth Finley Theater(heh!). I'll be following up with a post detailing any and all juicy tidbits so check back soon.

Next, I want to send a highest of fives to I Am Not a Chef for sending Gastro Hounds a very big shout out! You can check it out here. Be sure to take a good look around as IANAC has been around for some time and provides a great perspective on the current food scene.

Also, in the need for some laughs? Check out the 'Delicacy Ape' link under my Vegans Beware sidebar slot. Warning: put down all beverages if you care for your monitor. A big hat tip to he who sent me the email alerting me to said delectable simian.

'tis The Season of Giving

... and when you care to give the very best, give the taste of victory - and that's exactly what I did. I gave my very own BITE ME Beastro Char-B-Q Sauce & Rib Slather.

So let's talk BBQ sauce. For starters, 98% of what is on the shelves at your local grocery store is utter crap. Since when did corn syrup and liquid smoke equal BBQ? My epiphany was meeting up with the Crazy Cajun (aka Charley Addison) at the local fair. I'd seen his product in the better groceries, but here he was in person sampling his product - for free. "Free you say? Why yes, I shall try your savory wares." His sauce was a revelation - BBQ sauce didn't have to be a corn syrup based napalm. It could actually add flavor - dare I say, enhance the meat. He was effusive in explaining that the base for his sauce, and hence it's success, was that it's base ingredient was coffee (cue angel trumpets and devil trombones).

Armed with this info, I began experimenting early in the year on my own recipe. After many a tasty trial, I found what I felt to be a properly balanced sauce. To better judge my success, I wanted to enter it into a local contest. To do that, I would have to learn the art of canning. Luckily, my family has a long history of just such work, so I was in good hands. After some quick lessons and hand written notes (thanks mom), I completed my sauce and entered it into the 2009 Sonoma County Harvest Fair - amateur division. A separate judging is held for the professionals who operate restaurants and catering services. As my introduction suggests, I did indeed take first place - quite a thrill for my first ever entry. No less a thrill was having the knowledge that my first attempt at canning did not result in gut wrenching nausea and frantic rushes to the ER.

Here's why I like my sauce, and why I think the judges liked it too: I want to create multiple layers of flavor that build upon one another while not masking the flavor of what I assume to be a great cut of meat. The main base to my sauce is vinegar, so the most upfront flavor component is a nice acidic tang, followed by sweet, then smoke and then finishing with heat. Not to worry gentle readers, I do not use liquid smoke. Instead, I use chipotle peppers to provide the smoke and heat elements. The results speak for themselves.

I'm looking forward to entering more contests in 2010, and will continue to refine the recipe. In the meantime, here's a very easy recipe - the first one I used to test my sauce.

Char-B-Q'd Beast Ribs

Ingredients:
Beef ribs
Bite Me Beastro Char-B-Q Sauce & Rib Slather (or sauce of your choice)

Preparation:
Remove as much of the membrane from the back of the rib as you can.
Bring a stock pot of water to a boil, add ribs and reduce to a simmer.
Simmer for 45 to 60 minutes depending on ratio of ribs to water. This will actually cook the ribs through. Ribs are done when tender, and the meat has pulled back from the end of the rib bone about half an inch.
Just after starting ribs to simmer, start your fire if using charcaol.
Remove from water, and cover lightly with foil and allow to set for about 10 to 15 minutes.
Paint with sauce, and place on grill.
Turn every 3-4 minutes, grilling all sides of the ribs, and basting with Char-B-Sauce as you go.
Ribs will be heated through in about 15 minutes and a nice char will be on the rib.
Finish with one last basting of Char-B-Q Sauce and you're all set to go full Flinstone on those bad boys.

Obviously, if you weren't on my Christmas list, you don't have my sauce - but don't despair. Leave a comment on how your life will forever more be an endless, swirling pit of misery and pain without my Char-B-Q sauce and I'll see what I can do to get you a jar. In it's place, I definitely recommend Crazy Cajun sauce, or any sauce that shies away from having tomato as its base and a large degree of corn syrup.Instead, look for a sauce which has a high vinegar content. This kind of sauce allows for additional basting which keeps the meat moist and resists burning.

Have a favorite BBQ sauce? By all means share.

And for an appreciative nod to Crazy Charley, I've linked to his site under "Blogs/Sites I like". Definitely check it out. I've also had the West Indies hot sauce featured there. I killed that bottle off in about 2 weeks - great stuff.

Let's Dive Right In

Holiday season in Northern California means dungenous crab season. I live just a half hour drive from the coast, so it’s almost unavoidable to come across fresh-caught live crab. Still, even though current prices are outstanding, it’s still something of an extravagance. So, when I was recently gifted a freshly cooked crab, I was determined to make the most of it.
In my opinion, dungenous crab is by far the best domestic crab, if not the world. I’ve had Alaskan King, blue, and even Maryland soft shell just flown in and still crawling around in the shipping crate. Perhaps coconut crab has a chance to beat it given its ultra high fat content. Anyone know where I can get my hands on some coconut crab?
My goal was a 3 course meal for two from this one crab. I cleaned and cracked the crab, keeping the body meat separate from the leg and claw meat. I was also able to extract about 2 tablespoons of the “butter”, which is located in the upper shell, close to front. I knew I’d be serving the leg and claw meat very simply so as to not mask the flavor. The crab butter I’d incorporate into a light sauce to toss with pasta. I quickly came up with a recipe to use for the body meat (3.5 oz total), something that would be hot, bubbly and rich and provide something warming against the weather which had just turned bitter cold. As it turned out, all the dishes were very good (which means I didn’t kill the crab) but the gratins proved to be a surprise hit so that’s the recipe I’m putting up as my first contribution. I think this is also the most versatile as it would work very well with canned crab. As of this posting, I’ve made this recipe twice, both times it was very well received.

Crab Gratins
Ingredients:
3.5oz crab meat - more or less
2oz cream cheese
2tbsp mayonnaise
2tbsp grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 medium sized jalapeno, ribs and seeds removed, then diced
1 tsp milk
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
2 dashes Tabasco sauce
pinch of salt and pepper
bread crumbs to top
olive oil for drizzling


Combine all ingredients in a bowl, gently stirring in the crab meat until all ingredients are combined. In this case, I filled two single serving ramekins (about 1/3 cup each) or a single casserole dish of appropriate size will do. Chill for one hour. When ready to bake, top with bread crumbs and drizzle with olive oil or melted butter and bake at 350 for about 25 minutes or until hot and bubbly and bread crumbs have browned. Remove from oven and allow to cool for a few minutes, so the gratin comes together and then serve with French bread or crackers.

For anyone who has questions on the crabbutter pasta, let me know and I'll post how I put that together. It's not so much a recipe as it is working with what you have.